The Niall High Club

3rd Nov 2010

In light of the breaking news surrounding Niall Prendeville's unfortunate in-flight broadcast, airlines serving Cork must be compelled to review their on board services.

Clearly the Dublin produced Cara Magazine have questions to answer and must address the sexiness of the imagery used in the publication.

The current edition features scandalous images of very tall buildings being erected in Dubai as well as a Scottish mountain scene which features two equally sized mountains that are undoubtedly designed to arouse passengers. Dry mouthed readers are far more likely to order pricey drinks from attendants - a deft stoke indeed.

Aer Lingus's Cara Magazine is full of arrousing pictures. Why would you look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fire?

When it comes to the state of mind of their passengers Aer Lingus don't seem to give a toss - even their aircraft are disgracefully phallic shaped.

In addition to good looking healthy Irish staff on board their flights, the safety instructions performed by hostesses is full of innuendo guaranteed to get male parts taxi-ing out of their usual positions:

Your nearest exit may be behind you.

Place the oxygen mask over your face.

Ask for assistance.

Jeezuss! They might as well act out porn on the cabin floor while they're at it.

 

Spreading themselves around: We know Aer Lingus wanted to spunk up their website but this is just sick.

UPRIGHT POSITION
It remains to be seen if Aer Lingus will implement additional tasks for cabin crew. Currently during what is known as the 'cross-check' flight attendants verify that all passengers are belted up and have their baggage stowed correctly.

In future hostesses may have to see if passengers have both their tables and penises in the "upright position" before take off.

On arrival at airports male passengers may now have to display their 'full baggage' to ground crews who will issue a charge if it is found not to be flaccid.

This should ensure that passengers will deal with any arousal BEFORE arriving at the check-in area and thus make them less likely to have to knock one out as the tea trolley does its rounds.