The Queen’s Tongue

19th May 2011

Republicans search frantically for Irish dictionaries as the Banríon bangs out the cúpla focal…

Irish republicans and protestors are launching an investigation this morning into a speech at Dublin Castle by the British Monarch which included an obscure coded message which did not appear to be in English.

A crack team of intelligence specialists has been dispatched to County Louth and includes top members of the Real IRA, Republican Sinn Féin as well as violent protestors Éirigí and will be chaired by the Provisional IRA’s ticketmaster general who has responsibility for the distribution of Celtic match tickets.
 

Grand job Lizzy just bear in mind that nobody wants to see your fireplace though.

The assembled group will attempt to decode the mysterious words uttered by Queen Elizabeth II at a state dinner hosted by President of the Republic of Ireland Mary McAleese. As she began her speech with:

“A hUactaráin agus a Chairde”

A spokesperson for the group claimed that this “strange utterance may have been a message in Arabic to Al-Queda and should be taken very seriously”.

Other Republicans have also stated that “including something incomprehensible in her speech was deeply insulting to dead Irish patriots who fought for freedom of speech” and threatened to host another long mundane press conference stating how they would not be engaging with the Queen’s visit or paying it much attention.
 

An Phoblacht prefer the Queen's tongue

Her Majesty Lizzy Windsor arrives in Cork soon and PROC can exclusively reveal elements of her speech which will take place in the beer garden of Tom Barry’s on Barrack Street (where you can order pizza and gat nowadays).

Five Things The Queen Will Say in Cork

1. Tá súil agam go dtiocfaidh feabhas ar Ronan Curran go luath agus go mbeidh sé in ann imirt in aghaidh Tiobriad Árann ar an 29ú. Go n-éirí leat a bhuachaill.

2. The sea food chowder at the Farm Gate is absolutely spiffing. I shall order a great big barrell of it and have it delivered to Balmoral tout suite.

3. One remembers fondly stories from one’s son when he used to dress up as a commoner, board an aircraft to Cork and dance all night at Sir Henrys. By the by I don’t recall bestowing a Knighthood on this ‘Henry’ at all.

4. I understand that Corkman Mr. Sam Maguire was a vital cog of the British public service in London in 1897. It’s marvellous the way Corkonians still honour him so.

5. I am happy to accept an invitation from Natural Gas to visit Gurranabraher and  Faranreee and have made appropriate arrangements to stay over too. I am most looking forward to a Beamish in the Templeacre, riding a sulky out the straight road and the back of Tim O'Riordan's van!  

If you'd like to contribute to the hot debate about the British Queen's visit to Cork and also her visit to the Republic of Ireland visit our discussion forum.

WARNING: Loyalists and Republicans may need to develop a sense of humour before reading members' comments. 

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