Top 10 Make-or-Breaks for The Double

24th Apr 2012

Our list of the top things that could make or break the coveted hurling and football double this year….
 

10. People Talking About The Double
We are fairly sure that it has been scientifically proven that talking about the double in a pub with your friends on a Friday night leads directly to a failure to do the double. Yes, that’s the only reason it never happens isn’t it? So that’s why you get shushed anytime your friends or family get too excited about the prospect of it.

If everyone just stopped talking and writing articles about it, we’d do the double no bother wouldn’t we?

Ooops.

9. Donal Óg’s Achilies Tendon
At this stage a mass has already been said in the Vatican, Mecca has had a special Donal Óg Day and the Dali Lama has promised us he’ll to put in a good word with Buddha during his next Yoga session for the hurling goalkeeper’s mangled leg and that it might miraculously heal by June.

Looks like he'll be out for the season so talk to the Gods. Our father who do be up in Heaven hallowed by thy name...

The influential Cloyne man has adequate replacements between the posts but as a leader of Corkmen, Ógie’s positive influence on players is huge. Novenas all round then.

8. Sideways Passing
It’s the wrong way up the field lads. Put up sign posts pointing at the goal posts saying “Cork Double this Way Please”. Our footballers are the best in Ireland especially when they play direct or are bursting up the middle of defences. Any other route gives us severe indigestion, angina and gallstones.

Go direct

7. Aidan Walsh’s Fists
Along with his undoubted skills when placed further out the field the giant Kanturkonian could cause havoc in small rectangles all over the country this year with his big athletic frame fisting incoming long-rangers to Cork players around him - now that the square ball rule has changed. With Donnacha O’Connor, Daniel Goulding and Colm O’Neill in flying form they’ll be only too glad to pick up Walsh’s breaking ball and rattle nets.

The fist that could win Sam Maguire for Cork again

6. Ben O’Connor’s Retirement
OK, there are now a choice of about nine top hurling forwards Cork can put out on the field but Ben’s cool wily head might be required when the chips are really down. Let’s hope the Newtownshandrum legend’s quiet exit won’t come back to haunt us. We really wish he hadn’t left.

Could the Robot Return?

5. The County Board
They have the development of the new Pairc now to keep them distracted and in jobs until something like 2026 so this is not the time to announce that Conor Counihan will be replaced by by Derek from Crystal Swing next season because his band did a gig in the suiting room of a board official for his niece’s confirmation. Sssshhh. Keep it nice and quiet lads.

The new Cork bainisteoir and his selectors demonstrate some of their proposed training drills to Cork County Board officials.

4. Kerry in Croke Park
You know yourself, like. Statistically we’ll have to beat them there at some stage and it could well be this year.

3. Cork Fans
We really have to get behind both teams this year and roar on the Rebels at every crucial play. With JBM-mania back in full swing the championship opener, mostly likely against Tipperary, will be full to the rafters and we need to show the same support to our most recently successful All-Ireland winning team led by Graham Canty.
 

Oh to be a Rebel...

You can help by standing in front of your bathroom mirror every morning to practice shouting ‘Cmon the Rebels!’ at the top of your voice and making a distorted pain face that hopefully RTE’s cameras will pick up on match day and frighten the daylights out of people in other counties. If you get a sore throat from your a.m. training sessions you’re obviously not roaring loud enough.

2. Outcome of the League Finals
Ah sure it’s only the league as they say but winning it in 2010 helped the footballers to their first title in twenty years so giving the hurling young guns another pop at All-Ireland champions Kilkenny in a more heated atmosphere will be highly beneficial.

Can we do the league double? We think so but the Cats will want to put JBM’s boys back in their box to send a firm message south. However, even running them close next Sunday week and possibly holding some key players in reserve will give the marble men plenty to worry about come August. Getting hammered by Mayo and The Pussies would be a setback for the championship mindset.

This football referee was deemed so fair to Cork when playing Kerry that he was arrested by Dublin gardaí

1. Anti-Cork Referees
The bias is still alive and well. We saw it again below in Tralee the night Cork’s U21’s beat Kerry when Cork players seemed to be penalised for having being repeatedly assaulted by their markers.

Some referees dislike Cork intensely because they are jealous of our sporting successes, our beautiful county and of course our ravishing good looks so they take out their frustration by becoming match officials hoping to ‘do’ Cork.

It galls us to say it but the double may depend on the grudges, whims and contact lenses of a few portly middle aged gentlemen with whistles from the midlands.

Cork Footballers take on Mayo in the League Final this Sunday at 4pm in Croke Park.  

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