Top 10 Signs That Its a Heatwave

8th Jul 2013

We are officially experiencing a heat wave with temperatues in the Rebel County soaring to highs of fierce-wahrum and melting. 

1. You can use the water from your, normally cold, kitchen mains supply to make a hot cup of tea.

2. All day breakfast restaurants in Cork are cooking the full-Irish by leaving raw sausages, rashers and eggs outside on plates for ten minutes.
 

Gouganbarra yesterday at noon

3. People from Kerry living in Cork have started to smell strongly of gone-off ham.

4. Bored mischievous teenagers who can’t get their hands on drugs or drink are staying out in the sun all day hoping to get sunstroke “for a buzz”.

5. If you take a pint of Murphy’s outside to drink it will have evaporated into a cloud that looks like Christy Ring within a minute.

6. Farmers have finally run out of things to complain about (enjoy it while you can) and regularly find themselves with involuntary erections. 
 

Boner-hincha: In fairness the weather IS arousing like

7. Oldies are saying they would love a shower of rain because it’s “way too wahrum”. The rest of us want to beat them to death with their beach towels.

8. Several men’s fashion stores in the city centre are selling full length Arabic style robes and people in Kinsale have started to involuntarily speak Spanish.

9. Murphy’s Law appears to have been defied:  the weather is mi daza yet the schools are on holidays. Usually the rain comes back the minute schools break up.

10. At last, it is July and we don’t feel the embarrassing need to apologise to soaking wet tourists trudging around the city in a relentless grey mist. Instead we offer them suncream and 99's.