Top 10 Storms Named After Corkonians

26th Jan 2016

Storm Christy
“Tisn’t so quiet now!” they’d say after waiting days for it to blow in, having run rings around bamboozeled  weathermen for some time. After everyone deciding it wasn’t going to arrive, this summer storm would suddenly boom in out of nowhere to devastate nearby counties – the damage it caused on big wide open fields, would bring tears to the eyes of Tipperary people and those in other hurling strongholds.

Storm Denis
Despite casting its dark presence over the country the national media would be too afraid to broadcast any information about the damage it caused for fear of ending up in court. All weather forecasters would be under strict orders to remain entirely silent during their TV slots and, miraculously for a storm, it would have the power not just to knock buildings down but to build them too – even whipping together large extensions to houses in the south Tipperary area at no expense to the occupant.

Storm Frank
This low-key but extremely high powered storm would dish out its punishment on Cork with cold precision. Its effects would cause havoc with the football and hurling schedules - city clubs suddenly forced to move matches to the Beara peninsula with little notice. Soccer and rugby would be strangely unaffected yet the county’s biggest stadium would be reduced to rubble.  For years after the storm Corkonians would be bitterly divided about the extent of the long term damage it caused.

Storm George
This big cantankerous storm would hook its way through Leeside, swirling around noisily making its presence sound like a small war has broken out. It would thump loudly against both your windows and the inside of your head possibly even keeping you up all night as it roars angrily around the city. The eye of the storm will be half way up Opera Lane but you’ll find that despite the deafening bluster, this storm was actually completely harmless with the cost of damage no greater than the price of a rugby ball.

Storm Graham
Most storms mean bellowing dark Atlantic rain clouds over Cork but this one would have bright skies, flamboyant sunsets and loud swirling breezes. The storm would peak over Bandon which would put local businesses on high alert for flooding but before long it would push on over the Irish sea and into south east England to rain down its comic genius.

Storm Heff
A milder calmer storm with a distinct Cork flavour, Storm Heff would produce the type of weather you’d actually like to go out in for a good long walk – specifically a high speed 50km one – if only to just get out of the house for a few hours on a manky weekend. This storm would be briefly overtaken by a cold Russian weather system only for it to be found to be fake and phony and quickly re-absorbed by Storm Heff.

Storm Nash
Travelling down across Cork from the north west of the county this summertime weather system will feature a mighty strong wind capable of knocking any Cork man off his feet. Its high flying clouds will hurl huge long distance hailstones down on top of unsuspecting punters – the best advice being to try to rise up and catch them rather than to let them bounce on the path up into your face to the scorn of nearby crankbags sheltering on a ditch.




Storm Neil
This would be a very dramatic highly-publicised storm with weather warnings broadcast on local radio stations for weeks or even months in advance. The hype machine would go into overdrive and billboards and bus-arse adverts would festoon the city – the eye, or eyes, of the storm glaring down smugly on citizens for weeks while all Aer Lingus flights in and out of D’airport would be cancelled due to fears for passengers’ dignity.

Storm R.O.G.
It’d be over in France so you’ll be grand.

Storm Roy
Right from the off this storm would be in your face with its howling wind and driving rain. You better stay indoors though because if you get in the way of his one it won’t be long knocking you over and putting you on your behind.

Dublin should expect to have particularly harsh conditions meted out to it and commuters who travel to and from work on high horses are at high risk of being knocked off them. Users of mobile phones and those holding prawn sandwiches in the windier heights of football stadiums are also advised to exercise extreme caution.