Top Five Wackers and Players

30th Oct 2002

Cork Stockmarket - Top Five Players and Wackers

with John Paul Valentino (B.Comm, M.A, B.Wide)

†THE WACKERS you have more chance of coming out of the River Lee without any major terminal illnesses than making money on these fools. Mandy's - has been plummeting in value for nearly thirteen years with a buying price now rated at 0.0001c. † The Old Drainage Scheme - don't buy in, it's on it's way out. And be warned the owners love talking shit. † Supermacs Cork - who would think we'd eat what the West of Ireland would eat when the likes of Hillbilly's are around Supermac's North Main St. fodder outlet was their first failure in Ireland. SELL! SELL! SELL! † Cork Beach and Sunny Weather Supplies - Setting up caravans to sell surf boards, sun umbrellas and 2 litre bottles of factor 100. Nah biys: very risky. † The Church of Bill O'Herlihy Ltd. - He's Cork. He's on RTE and doesn't make a fool out of himself. He's hip to the groove for an old fellah but unfortunately he's not quite messiah material just yet. We think Roy Keane might be a safer bet for the soccer mad speculators.

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THE PLAYERS These are the companies that we suggest pumping as much grade into as you possibly can. Sell your gaf and sell the clothes on your back and get trading as soon as you can sell get the cash. Main Drainage Scheme - shit is really starting to happen here in a BIG way. If they manage to be less than three years behind schedule then the stocks will be soar and it's looking good. Cork Air - proposed shuttle service to Santa Ponza via a plane made from melted down shopping trolleys. Cheap stock looks good. Cork City Subway - pure going home fast every day like. 'd be the job. Ball and Chain Corporation - somebody somewhere has a load of vinyl copies of the aul Balla and they're increasing in value every day they starve us. "Corporation" has now become a posh word again since the Corpo have changed to Cork City Council. Cork City F.C. - with David O'Leary now free to come to Cork City F.C. after parting company with Leeds Untied in the UK and South Korea's Lamp Dah Wan and Wah Cha Say being tempted by Mr.Lennox's vast menu of culinary pleasures the only way is up at The Cross. â€