What could have provoked him?

13th Jul 2006

What Could Have Been Said?
Danny Elbow

Zidane this and Zidane that - c'mere I'd like to see Zidane take on Graham Canty or Nicholas Murphy with that head of his and turn up for work the next morning at 9am.

Zizu brushed up his image outside French president Jack Chirac's gaf on Monday looking solemn and emotional thus putting himself in the shop window for a suitable product endorsement and TV ad campaign when all the controversy dies down.

Saying little or nothing to the media of course only drives Zidane's latest publicity stunt into every font page from Buenos Ares to Bangladesh. Remember this feen is a product of Real Madrid, the club who sign and seek soccer's top metrosexuals and posers to sell their shirts. Look at David Beckham, how many extra Real jerseys will he shift with those dugout tears against Portugal. Tons unfortunately.

Its widely believed in Spain that Ronaldinhio was not favoured at Real Madrid because he didn't have the dashing looks of Zidane and Becks that would sell shirts by the truck load. Barcelona picked up the buck toothed Brazillian instead and won La Liga and the Champions League so that gives you an incite into the school of thought at the club where Zizu made his living.

The standard of lip reading among Italy's English Diaspora has been shockingly inconsistent. The Sun reported that Materazzi called Zidane "a son of a terrorist whore" while the Guardian claims the Italian defender wished Zidane's family "an ugly death".

The Independent took a different angle reporting an insult to the Frenchman's sister after a discussion about shirt swapping when the match finished. Surprisingly none of them reported anything about Anthony Lynch's sending off in Killarney which was equally strange.

How do you think poor aul Anthony Lynch is feeling this week? In case you missed it the Cork wing back was playing a stormer against Kerry under the Reeks on Sunday. In the 33rd minute he had a minor tussle with a Kerry forward and won a free out. Suddenly Lynch lifted his elbow, the forward's head moved back and Lynch was instantly dismissed. Later the RTE cameras could not explicitly show contact between the Corkonian elbow and the Kerry nut.

Lynch's dramatic exit was over shadowed unfairly by Zidane's head butt a few hours later but we've decided to address the imbalance by asking the People's Republic of Cork in-house lip readers to give their version of events. Afterall our lip readers couldn't do any worse than their counterparts around the world.

"You're nothing but a terrorist"
It might have sparked Zidane last Sunday so don't rule it out. Of course like Zidane Lynch wouldn't know one end of an AK-47 to another but Donaghy may have seen The Wind that Shakes the Barley (set in Lynch's homeland) and made some ironic or derogatory comments about Cork's resistance to British rule in 1920: a red rag to a bull for any West Cork man.

"Fuair dom an liathroid'