Who Could Blame Him?

4th Nov 2010

Why would you NOT knock one out at the thought of going to Cork?

That's the question most Cork people are asking themselves today after the 'revelations' of the last few days. National newspapers, media commentators and internet pwners everywhere seem shocked but there may be a simple explanation….

Where's the best place in the world? Cork. Obviously.

An arrousing image for any Corkonian

If you were having a great day out with fellow Corkonians in a foreign city, wine flowing, top class restaurant, Noel O'Flynn still in power, not a non-national nor a failed cash call participant in sight….how could that particular soireé get even better?

By going to the best place in the world.

For those who don't understand Corkonians' endearing passion for their county we can make the following analogy: it's like flirting with the most beautiful woman in the world before she asks you to go upstairs while she slips into something more comfortable. The thought of what's to come (literally) is so overwhelming that you may find you need to release some steam sooner than expected.

We are the Lonely Planet's top city so we're not exaggerating when we say Cork is number one and indeed things can be 'lonely' when you're abroad - especially when all you can think about is getting back to Cork.
 

Would you mind leaving us alone for a minute? We've just been re-routed to Cork.

The thought of touching down on the runway above in the airport can be so overwhelming that your body's reaction to your boiling anticipation is often to produce a throbbing erection.

When looking out the window upon the rooves of Bishopstown and cars on the south link from 1000ft who would not admit to at least a reassuring and patriotic semi?

For super-passionate Corkonians the friskiness can start in the foreign city on the runway before take-off. When the in-flight 'dirty talk' starts your hormones start piling up like the River Lee behind the Inniscarra Dam on a wet night. Once a certain word is mentioned you're a gonner - the dam is breached.

"Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard this late evening flight from London Heathrow to……..[oh jesus, hit me baby!]……..CORK!"

Oghhhhhhhhoooooouuughhhh!