Wilton Footbridge Held in IMF Warehouse

24th Nov 2011

What was assumed to be the world’s largest pedestrian bridge by Corkonians was recently removed from the Sarsfield’s Road Roundabout by the IMF and is being held against its will in a warehouse in southern Germany.
 

The IMF warehouse in Germany where the Cork bridge is being held

Although the removal of the concrete structure was flagged in advance by the local media, the reason given was that a flyover is being built to facilitate vehicles on the South Ring Road and the bridge had to be disassembled.

PROC has since discovered, through contact made yesterday afternoon with a man in a Cork bar, that the IMF have taken the bridge as collateral for Ireland’s banking bailout and it will be returned when loans to cover the lifestyle of former Anglo Irish Bank chief Seanie Fitzpatrick and Irish Nationwide boss Michael Fingleton have been repaid in full.
 

Two diggers operated by Nicholas Sarokzy and Christine Lagarde disassemble the Sarsfield's Road pedestrian bridge

No faction has yet admitted to taking the bridge and its condition and state of mind are unknown. On behalf of the county we have alerted the United Nations who have promised to study the matter closely on the internet.

The Dublin government have denied that men seen in high visibility gear seen in the area are in fact a small group of hard pressed actors from Berlin playing the roles of the nation’s builders.
 

The way things used to be: grand

Some locals have expressed concern that EU/IMF labelled heavy machinery is regularly seen creating large dust clouds by driving in circles with no particular purpose.

“They have regular meetings in Brussels with each other about building confidence”, said one Wiltonite, “but nothing ever seems to happen. We’re losing faith in these people by the day”.  
 

Look no hands: the Dublin government have other priorities

PROC has deployed peacekeeping monitors to padlock some of the city’s most important bridges to the banks of the Lee including the Shakey Bridge at Fitzy’s Park and the Disco Bridge at North Mall lest they be removed by the Dublin/EU/IMF axis of evil at night.

“Combination locks are the job for this”, said PROC Security Chief Finty O’Driscoll, “cos that crowd above in Dublin are useless with numbers”.

The suspicion is that the Department of Finance are so desperate that they may be behind the pilfering of copper artwork around Ireland which could be melted down to pay their salaries.

If you see any unusual activity around important Cork infrastructure be sure to automatically assume they are being confiscated by the IMF and weigh in heavy like the start of a Munster championship opener.